Energy Vampires – Why Do We Allow Thieves in Our Treasure Chest?

Mar 11, 2024

The existence of energy vampires is a recurring topic, especially when discussing the experiences of feeling like a wilted prune after interactions with them. Avoidance can be impossible when dealing with roommates, bosses, or in-laws, who might be such entities, thus, the real question remains, why do we let ourselves be drained?

The phenomenon of being drained often indicates a defect in our boundary defenses. (More about border defense in "Border Defense – Do Our Psychic Bastions Even Exist?") The good news is, it’s fixable.

How Does Life Energy Work?

Everyone has life energy, allowing us to navigate our days, love, work, exercise, cook, be enthusiastic, smile at our children, and express annoyance. In short, it empowers every step we take. When this life energy depletes, we die. Although it seems finite, it's not! In fact, we decide when and how much of it we tap into. It can be replenished, and when we feel it is too much and makes us restless, we can go for a run.

Think of this system like a car’s electronics and engine. The engine needs fuel, just like our bodies need food and fluids. However, if the battery is dead, a full tank is useless; the car won’t start. Life energy provides the “spark” or “electricity” for our bodies.

Considering life energy as a scarce resource, in economic terms, we battle for it. Those fortunate to be less worrisome, aggressive, or fearful generally have more life energy than those stressed, angry, or frightened. Processing traumas and resolving anger, aggression, and fears grant access to abundant life energy, as negative emotions cease to drain reserves. Some intuitively know how to recharge their depleted batteries, others don’t. (More on recharging in Biophilia vs. "Human Zoos”)

Those unable to recharge resort to stealing energy reserves from others, referred to colloquially as energy vampires.

Attention and Energy Vampires

Energy vampires demand attention as giving attention means giving energy. Hence, a child receiving parental attention is happier and healthier than a neglected one. A plant we look at daily with love is more beautiful, and new relationships are exciting due to the extra energy received from mutual attention. The more energy we have, the healthier our bodies and the lighter our spirits are.

Energy vampires invariably seek attention, be it through offense, complaints, showiness, aggression, long monologues, or silent treatment. The essence is not what they request since anyone can make unjust demands, but whether we comply. We have control over our life energy. We can choose to give it to whomever we wish. The problem arises when energy vampires persuade us to part with a significant portion of our life energy. To defend effectively against them, we must understand which buttons they press within us that make us open our treasure chests and let them in to take our “gold.”

Some donors are regularly drained by older women, like a mother-in-law or neighbor, reminding them of a harsh older female caregiver from childhood. As a child, continuously observing the caregiver’s steps and mood was an efficient survival and conflict avoidance strategy, giving energy in exchange for safety.

As adults, our toolbox is much more advanced, allowing us to defend ourselves differently. Yet, such unprocessed fears from the past surface when encountering an older woman perceived as potentially harmful. This results in giving all attention and subsequently, a significant amount of life energy to her, feeling utterly exhausted afterward.

Some people feared their fathers due to physical or verbal abuse; thus, when encountering an older, slightly aggressive man, or a person in a position of authority, resurfacing childhood fears can cause intense reactions. These reactions can narrow one's focus, rendering individuals silent listeners to the man’s monologue, while their life energy transfers to him.

Some, bullied by classmates, are terrified of their peers or colleagues, while others can be drained by owners of large dogs due to a past dog attack.

Importantly, the mentioned donors do not react this way to every older woman, man, peer, or dog owner for two reasons. Firstly, not all are energy vampires; many have their own energy sources. Secondly, not everyone reminds us of those we feared in the past.

The key is to observe our patterns and identify to whom and in what situations we surrender our valuable energy. Is it to women? Men? Elders? The youth? Those in subordinate or superior positions? When we're tired? When we’re hurt? Identifying this allows for preparatory energetic protection and subsequent deeper exploration of the underlying issues.

Two Things to Remember

As adults, the decision to give our life energy to someone else, whether consciously or subconsciously, rests with us. Manipulating life energy from others is inherently unfair, and we have the right to defend ourselves from such treatment. This might mean shutting down a conversation or leaving a family gathering early, actions that might seem impolite. However, isn’t draining someone's energy inherently impolite as well?

Mostly, we give life energy unwillingly because we fear the consequences. Often, the fear intensity is unjustified by the current situation and stems from exaggerated reactions to past experiences. Recognizing that our current emotional responses are not commensurate with the present situation, and reminding ourselves that we are not in the same serious danger as we were in childhood, can lower our stress levels.

All in all we need to identify our patterns and then discover the root cause of the fear we are reminded of by these energy vampires. This can be done with introspection, guided meditation, family constellation, Theta-floating, or many other methods. And in the meantime it is imperative to find the best way to quickly recharge our energy tanks!

– Eszter